The East Wing of the White House was reduced to a pile of rubble last week in a hasty, brutal demolition that shocked the country. Now, it’s time to build President Donald Trump’s big, dumb, gilded bribe palace—but no one knows exactly what that entails.

The New York Times tried to figure this out, looking at the plans—which Trump waved around in the Oval Office—posted on the White House website and a physical model of the ballroom.

And guess what? None of them are the same.

Honestly, of course they aren’t. This is all being done on the fly, subject to Trump’s daily whims. The ballroom could hold 650 people, or maybe 1,350—it’s a mystery! Maybe it will cost $200 million, maybe $300 million. Wait, scratch that—it’s $350 million. Definitely $350 million.

You might find it odd that constr

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