Go back, in your mind, to the worst date you have ever had. There you are, using a napkin to tie a tourniquet around your leg under the table, trying desperately to take your mind anywhere but the inescapable train wreck unfolding in front of you. That's the closest you can come to understanding what it's like watching Amazon's billion-dollar project The Rings of Power.

I would say the script sounded like it was written by a drunk middle-schooler, but that would be an insult to both alcohol and middle-schoolers. Every line is a tired-out cliché, stolen from a bad movie and mashed together with all the verbal dexterity of a crack-addled ferret. I cannot in good conscience describe the plot, because the word "plot" has nothing to do with this fulminant disaster. I've had nightmares that ma

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