TEHRAN — Following the death of one of its prominent national leaders, the Iran government confirmed today that they are interviewing several new bearded genocidal psychopaths to replace its deceased president.

Despite the death of President Ebrahim Raisi, the Iranian regime assured its people and the world that it had already compiled an extensive list of ruthless, turban-wearing men with beards as candidates to serve in his place.

"No need to worry, we've got a full supply of extremist bearded mass-murderers in the lineup," said a spokesman for the Iranian government. "Though the tragic helicopter crash robbed us of one of our finest turban-wearing bearded killers, we have a long line of robed Islamic extremists waiting to fill the position."

Bearded, turban-wearing hopefuls lined up

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