CHICAGO, IL — Following a deluge of allegations of racist hiring practices to fill city official jobs, Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson issued a statement insisting that he had never once discriminated against white-boy honky crackers.

Mayor Johnson's statement came on the heels of a tumultuous few days in which he seemed to publicly acknowledge favoring minority candidates over whites for prominent public jobs, accusations he now denies while voicing support for pasty peckerwoods everywhere.

"I've never made judgements based on the skin color of redneck whiteys," Johnson said in the statement. "Yes, I made the statement that I look to black people to fill certain positions due to how loving and generous we are, but that in no way should indicate any discriminatory views on my part toward n

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