BEACHVILLE, USA — According to newly released studies, everyone sitting on the beach around you really wants to hear that trash music you're playing so crank it up to an eleven and don't take those sideways glares and mean stares as anything but encouragement to fly your musical freak flag with pride.

"Oh yeah, that's some gosh-awful EDM," said one study respondent, Dan Marsh. "I love bringing my family to the majesty of God's creation and having gay party music blasting from the beach tent next to ours. Crank it up, don't take my ‘hey buddy, do you mind turning it down a bit' as a hint that I want you to turn it down...a bit."

Study participants say they particularly hate Lil Naz X and Cardi B so please turn that JBL Flip 5 Waterproof speaker up as high as you can get it and make sure e

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