CHINO HILLS, CA - Local pastor Jack Mensing clarified to his congregation this past Sunday that being "salt and light" to the world actually means voting Republican and supporting conservative causes.
He carefully exegeted Jesus's commands to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world, explaining how the context made it clear that the way Christians accomplish this is not by living quiet, holy lives, but rather by making sure Republicans get elected to public office.
"It was really confusing because I kept telling them to be counter-cultural, to be salt, to be light," he told reporters. "But then I'd turn around and plead with everyone to vote a straight Republican ticket. So finally I was in my quiet time listening to Rush Limbaugh last week and it hit me: I needed to make sure

 The Babylon Bee
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