CORNWALL, ON

According to reliable reports, border towns across Canada have been facing a mass influx of Segway drivers in recent months. As a result, concerned citizens are calling on the Canadian Prime Minister to put an end to these illegal Segway border crossings.

“It’s a disgrace. These people are just waltzing across our border on Segways as if it wasn’t even there,” said local MP William Peters. “It’s a little surprising, though. I didn’t even know the Segway had enough juice to make it all the way to the Canadian border.”

Most of this recent wave of migrants are bitter Hillary Clinton supporters who are trying to sneak into Canada before the snow flies.

“They’re just flouting a loophole in our laws that allows people to cross the border wherever and whenever they want as long a

See Full Page