WOLFSBURG, GERMANY

Disappointed that not enough people were accidentally setting off their car alarms, Volkswagen has replaced the entire key fob with one giant red panic button.

“Customers were complaining that the placement of the panic button was not convenient enough,” said VW spokesperson Wilma Fischer. “They’d grab the fob, flick open the key that juts out like a switch blade and, in that process, they just weren’t setting off the alarm often enough.”

Fischer hopes to bring the number of false alarms up dramatically and plans to have parking garages across the globe blaring with loud annoying alarms by the end of the year.

“When you reach in your purse to grab your keys, what you really want is your car to start screaming at you,” said Fischer. “We’re also planning to increase th

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