Aries, March 21st–April 19th

In 1415 Owain Glyndŵr was defeated, and since then Wales has forever been under the iron grip of the Spar.

Taurus, April 20th–May 20th

I’m running from Land’s End to John O’Groats. But specifically not for charity, just for something to do.

Gemini, May 21st–June 21st

The headlines work because the real Artist Formerly Known As Prince was also a total sex freak. Though within legal bounds and contributing a great deal more to society.

Cancer, June 22nd–July 22nd

Sure, The Godfather Part II is a masterpiece. All I’m saying is it would be better with a jaunty montage of Michael Corleone and his friends trying on a bunch of quirky hats.

Leo, July 23rd–August 22nd

“One key in the bowl per couple. If everyone puts a car key in this isn’t a swingers’ party,

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