Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

My brother, “Ethan,” and his wife, “Emma,” have a blended family with full custody of three kids, who are now 8, 10, and 15. Emma has mental health problems. Two years ago, they became acute, and she did inpatient care and a structured day program. My brother was overwhelmed and called our families for help.

His mother-in-law picked the kids up from afterschool care. My wife and I (we’re both women) started keeping half of our lives in their guest room. We helped with the kids outside of work hours, as well as helping run the household, and trying to give the kids more loving, stable contact with family adults. It was a rocky transition—we love the

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