By staff reporter Tom Logan

THE rules were clear. I would live in a large country cottage rent-free with an income equivalent to £1 million a year. Easy, I thought. Never imagining the living hell I would enter.

The first few days were straightforward. I ate only the most expensive takeaways and binged nightly on good quality wine. Even after buying a new wardrobe, the latest iPhone and a pedigree Labrador, I still had £80,132.25 to get to the end of the month.

But as time went on, certain basic essentials began to ruin my careful budgeting. A top hat, £300. A horse, £6,000. A brace of Purdeys, £14,000. What was I supposed to do, just enjoy walking around the large, beautiful grounds without blowing a squirrel’s head off?

I also needed servants. An agency supplied a valet, Oliver. Our

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