CHICAGO, IL - According to sources, local pastor Hal Parsons' Sunday sermon featured more fake-out conclusions than Peter Jackson's epic fantasy film The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King .

Pastor Parsons reportedly delivered an eloquent plea to the crowd to turn to Christ, faking everyone into thinking the sermon was over, but then continued after a pensive pause. He did this over seventeen times, according to witnesses.

"He totally faked us out, just like when everyone kneels in front of the Hobbits in Minas Tirith and you think the movie's gonna end, but it totally doesn't," one church member said after the service. "This guy's the master." Everyone in the congregation reportedly started packing up their things several times, only for the sermon to continue over and over ag

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