ZAPORIZHZHIA, UKRAINE

Mr. Harder was on a Mennonite history tour in southern Ukraine this past week, when he encountered some young men in Adidas suits squatting on the corner.

“The guy had this massive mound of sunflower seeds, though they called it semechki,” said Harder. “Sunflower seeds. Semechki. It all looks like zoat to me.”

Harder immediately got competitive with the young man claiming through a translator that he could easily outspit the young gopnik.

“I had an early lead, spitting and spitting like I was back home in Winkler,” said Harder. “But then my back went out on me and I knew I was in trouble.”

Harder attributes his loss to his inability to squat for long periods of time and the fact he was wear slacks rather than a fake Adidas track suit.

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