DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught from a young age that when a close friend or family member has experienced a loss, the appropriate thing to do is to be there for support. Depending on the person, this might include sharing stories about the deceased, bringing over a casserole, helping with child care, holding their hand while they cry, or whatever the griever needs.

I have tried to be there for my friends, not only because of this lesson, but because I genuinely want to help them at a difficult time.

However, when I experienced a loss, I was shocked that others had very different reactions to my situation. Though there were a few friends who did support me, many made it clear from day one that they weren’t emotionally available.

One had experienced her own recent loss, and I understood

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