At my daughter’s 18th birthday party a couple of months ago, I gave a speech that I thought struck the right balance between parental pride and merciless piss-taking. I celebrated her excellent A-level results, her spectacular sense of humour and her unfailing kindness. But so as not to make myself sound like one of those annoying nutters who can’t stop showing off about their kids, I chucked in the story of her rubbish performance at school sports day 2011, aged four. Competing in the sack race, she humiliated herself by collapsing inside her sack at the starting line, before fighting her way out, stumbling halfway down the track, then giving up, turning back and returning to the start.

I recognised it at the time as a simple act of honest defeatism, something I myself have practised thr

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