HEAVEN — Individuals waiting in line to enter their eternal home were struck with fear, as they realized Saint Peter was asking everyone at the Pearly Gates to list five ways they advanced God's kingdom on earth.

The unexpected productivity check at Heaven's entrance sent those waiting for admittance into a quiet panic, with many people hastily attempting to come up with a quick list of things they had accomplished during their lives.

"Oh geez, really? You're kidding, right?" one exasperated man was heard asking Saint Peter. "Well, let's see. I went to church every Sunday, and I only left early when there was a football game. That counts, right? And I read the Bible. A lot of it, at least. Sometimes. How many is that? Two? I have to come up with three more? Aw, man. Can I go to the back

See Full Page