From We to Me in an Empty Nest

Key points

For those from collectivistic cultures, becoming an individual may happen later in life.

Facing an empty nest is a scary challenge with much to gain.

Small steps toward the milestone of adult individuation can happen without one's awareness.

The author and her boys Source: Courtesy Dorothy Chin

I was always a We . Born into a Chinese family, I was a We from the start. First, it was my family and I, and later, when I had kids, it was them and me. I thought of myself as We so much that when meetings started with announcing one’s pronouns, I was always tempted to say we, our, ours, referring to myself. My days were dominated by We. We could not go out because one of us was sick. We had to turn right back from a trip to the bookstore because the school called. We ma