PRESIDENT Trump has threatened to sue the BBC for one billion dollars for saying he did things he actually, provably did. However, he is easily placated:

Invest in Trump crypto

Trump’s meme coin, $TRUMP, is a conduit for bribes. The BBC could promise to invest a large sum in his remarkable cryptocurrency and to give it their full backing. And then, as he has no understanding of crypto, simply tell him they’ve done so ‘but it got stuck in the blockchain so you’ll have to flush the meme receptors.’ It will end there.

Give him a nasty gold prize

Pull an award off the shelves of the BBC’s trophy room, perhaps something nobody cares about from the 1950s. Polish it up, rename it the BBC Global Peace, Wisdom, Sagacity And Peak Physical Health Prize and have chair Samir Shah, who shows promise

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