Q. Even though my divorce has been final for a year, I sometimes like to spend the day with my ex and the kids. Not taking the chance of her saying no, I put the children first and ask the kids how they would feel if I came along. They say it’s fine, so then I tell their mother that I’d like to come along, and the kids want me to. I can tell she’s not happy, but I’m trying to do what the kids want.

Recently she has stopped sharing when they are going on special trips. I think it’s to manipulate the situation because she wants the kids all to herself. What’s good ex-etiquette?

A. First, I think you have misunderstood the concept of, “Put the children first.”

Yes, it is the first rule of the 10 Rules of Good Ex-etiquette, but you are using it incorrectly. You are supposed to use the best

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