KANSAS CITY, MO — A local boy was confronted with a cold reality today after realizing he's far too intelligent to ever be President of the United States when he grows up.

"I really hoped to be President one day, but I'm too smart," said Scout Smith. "I try to learn as much as I can and I study hard, but it suddenly dawned on me that all of the guys who become President really aren't that bright, and that's when I realized leading our nation will never be my future."

Despite their son's disappointing realization, his parents privately expressed relief. "Thank God our son is too intelligent to ever be President," mother Lacy Smith said. "That means he can actually grow up to do something positive in the world! I would have felt like a failure if all he could do was become President!"

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