Brandon Dill, Cathy Khoonsrivong and their son Tobi.
Brandon Dill and Cathy Khoonsrivong attended Silverwood's fall festival. They moved into the community in October.
John Ohanian said his firm bought the Silverwood property in 2012. His vision is for the community to have spaces to connect, like community centers, parks and large front porches in people's homes to foster close neighborly bonds.

Brandon Dill, 31, had his eye set on Silverwood before the Southern California development had houses to show. The community, set in the Inland Empire about 80 miles east of Los Angeles, promised affordable homes in one of the country's most expensive states to live, events to bring neighbors together and access to beautiful parks and trails.

Dill persuaded his wife, Cathy Khoonsrivong, to look at the development as they prepared to be first-time parents. She approved, and Dill signed them up.

One document in their new housing paperwork gave them pause: a "Kindness Pledge."

"That's interesting," Khoonsrivong remembers thinking.

The pledge said Silverwood is "creating a place that feels familiar, like the small towns our parents and grandparents grew up enjoying."

"A place where everyone knew everyone, where neighbors would care for each other, watch out for one another, or simply bring a warm meal when you didn’t know you needed it," the pledge reads. "We know when we care for one another, listen openly to one another, and consider each other’s needs, the strength of our community will mirror the strength of the desert around us."

Now, Khoonsrivong and Dill say the pledge is the "icing on the cake" of their new dream neighborhood.

In a world divided by politics and hateful rhetoric fueling neighborly and even family feuds − not to mention a loneliness epidemic among the nation's youth and older adults alike − a neighborhood like Silverwood can feel far-fetched. The development is just getting started, with its first homeowners having moved in this summer. But experts have reason to believe a community based on kindness will see great success, leading to happier, healthier residents who get better sleep, feel less stress and even have superior immune systems.

Many Americans today don't know their neighbors at all, said Dale Atkins, a psychologist who wrote "The Kindness Advantage: Cultivating Compassionate and Connected Children." She finds people nowadays are feeling more isolated and unsure of their purpose.

For Dill, it's important to be part of a community with like-minded people who are intentionally kind to each other, especially as a new dad. His son, Tobi, is 6 months old.

"People think kindness is a 'nice thing to have' if you have time," said Dr. Kelli Harding, a psychiatrist and kindness scientist who wrote "The Rabbit Effect: Live Longer, Happier, and Healthier with the Groundbreaking Science of Kindness."

"But actually, kindness is essential to our communities and our health and wellbeing," Harding said.

Being kind is good for you

Atkins said she's mostly seen kindness pledges in schools, though some other institutions have certainly made kindness initiatives in the past. Former Anaheim, California mayor Tom Tait established a "City of Kindness" initiative in 2017, according to The Orange County Register. Tait's focus on kindness was enough to persuade the Dalai Lama to visit.

In schools with kindness initiatives, Atkins has seen stress levels lower, happiness levels rise, collaboration increase and more acts of kindness, "because one act of kindness begets another act of kindness." She suspects residents in a community with a kindness pledge would be more positive, empathetic and more careful about what they say to each other.

Business consultant Linda Cohen has found that when companies focus on cultivating kind, empathetic work cultures, there's less turnover and happier workers.

Harding said there are "mountains of data" showing that people are healthier in supportive, kind communities.

One of the most famous kindness studies is of Roseto, Pennsylvania. Harding said a physician, Dr. Stewart Wolf, was at a medical conference in the early 1960s when he met a researcher who had found a small town in Pennsylvania where no one under the age of 55 was dying of heart attacks. Wolf sent a team to investigate, and after studying the town's residents − weighing them, measuring them and taking blood samples − they realized the only thing different about Roseto compared with neighboring towns was that the people were especially kind to one another.

"[The researchers] thought about how they had been welcomed in to Roseto, how the people there really looked out for one another, how neighbors ate together, how neighbors supported one another when someone was having a hard time," Harding said. "It was really the sense of kindness and community that ended up being health protective for Roseto."

Harding said Silverwood, in a way, is asking the question: "Could we create a modern-day Roseto?"

'We're not trying to force it.' There's no 'kindness police.'

Initially, Silverwood developer John Ohanian wanted to create a kindness contract. But his lawyers told him it wasn't possible.

And besides, Ohanian told USA TODAY, he wants people to want to be kind. So he settled for a pledge instead, which he describes as aspirational. "We're not trying to force it," he said. People who don't follow the pledge "just won't have the experience living there that they could. It won't be as fulfilling an experience; it won't be as positive."

There are no "kindness police."

Among other promises, residents pledge to:

  • Foster empathy, acceptance, tolerance and cooperation.
  • Get involved and make a positive impact.
  • Not use hurtful or divisive language.
  • Actively listen to all perspectives and do what's best for the community.
  • Before speaking or posting, make sure their words are kind, necessary and true.

"We just hope it creates more connection," Ohanian said. He also hopes Silverwood's affordability − homes are between $400,000 and $800,000, according to their website − will keep young families from leaving California. There are about 80 families living in Silverwood now, and developers hope that will rise to 300 next year. There's room for 15,000 families to live on the property, Ohanian said.

Dill's family has only lived in Silverwood for three weeks. But he said he's already felt that it's different from anywhere he's lived before. Their neighbors introduced themselves right away, Khoonsrivong said. "It pretty quickly felt like home."

"The day we were moving in, we got invited to someone's birthday party that we never even met before," Dill said.

How to find and create kind communities, without moving to California

Everyone has the capacity to be kind, Harding said. "But a lot of times, when we're in a rush, we just sort of forget."

People are more likely to be kind when they're reminded about kindness, she said, and when they announce their kindness publicly − which is why she thinks Silverwood's kindness pledge is such a good idea.

The spirit behind the pledge is just that, Khoonsrivong said: A reminder. It's always in the back of her head now, to be kind and welcoming to everyone around her.

"It just makes you feel good, and it makes others feel good, and it just spirals," she said.

But you don't have to move to Silverwood to have a kind community, Atkins said. And you don't have to make grand gestures of generosity to show kindness. Start small and slow down, Harding said. There's room for kindness when we pause our busy lives.

Pick up a piece of trash, check in on a neighbor, call a friend or send a thank-you note, Harding said. Cohen suggests stopping at lemonade stands, leaving out snacks for mailmen and delivery workers, planning a neighborhood barbecue or, like two of her own neighbors did, making a gratitude tree where people can write down what they're thankful for.

"Simple things like making eye contact and saying hello to neighbors can increase your sense of safety and trust in your neighborhood," Harding said. "It's pretty remarkable."

Madeline Mitchell's role covering women and the caregiving economy at USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.

Reach Madeline at memitchell@usatoday.com and @maddiemitch_ on X.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: If you’re not nice, you shouldn't live here. This is the kindest neighborhood in America

Reporting by Madeline Mitchell, USA TODAY / USA TODAY

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