LONG BEACH, CA - A small but rapidly growing subset of Americans have been gathering in hordes to engage in dangerous acts of polite discourse. These impassioned radicals are embracing extreme positions of affability and toxic cordiality, abandoning the long-held progressive ideals of extreme partisanship and treating anyone who is not committed to your tribe like an insect to be crushed.

The Southern Poverty Law Center says that it is currently tracking more than 2,300 extremist civility groups in the country, citing an alarmingly high rate of instances of open interactions at unprecedented levels of respectfulness.

"It's like they're trying to set the clock back," said extremism advocate Duncan Whitehead. "We thought the troubling days of people like G.K. Chesterton and George Bernard

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