HUNTSVILLE, AL — A local man attempted to reason with his physician today, explaining to the concerned doctor that his obesity was the result of his pledge to fight far-right extremism in all forms.

"Gotta do my part to stand against fascism, doc," said Conrad Thompson. "I know it shortens my lifespan, leads to increased cardiovascular health problems, and causes joint pain and inflammation, which makes my day-to-day life more challenging, but getting physically fit is the same, exact thing as being a Nazi. I don't want any part of that!"

Mr. Thompson's doctor was unable to see the correlation. "I've seen a lot of really out-of-shape fascists," said Dr. Tom Prichard. "In my decades of experience, there doesn't seem to be much of a link between political ideology and physical condition, t

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