Every cold and flu season, like clockwork, we, in the lingering vestiges of print media, find ourselves here again. And once again, we have to remind the confused denizens of the internet that no, there is absolutely no chance in hell that you will ever cure a cold by putting sliced raw potato in your socks when you sleep.

There is no universe across the multiverse in which that will ever be true, and yet people genuinely believe it can happen in this one. TikTokers‘ parents perhaps shouldn’t have had kids, and the hopelessly stupid are slicing spuds, tucking them into socks, and waiting for toxins to be magically vacuumed out of their bodies overnight. Then they wake up, see a gray, oxidized potato, and congratulate themselves for beating virology with a sturdy russet or perhaps a creamy

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