How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a 59-year-old gay man who had a prostatectomy last year. I often receive aggressive, in-person flirtation from nice guys who obviously want to hook up casually. I owe them a warning, though.

I desperately want to say yes (with precautions), but when do I tell them that I won’t get hard? I’m a passionate guy who enjoys a lot of things, and can still have wild, dry orgasms. Rejecting a blowjob comes off as rejecting the person. Mentioning my prostate cancer is a mood killer for a casual flirtation, but guys take it personally if we make out and I don’t get hard (even though I’m totally into it). I have a BiMix prescription, but even then, it’s

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