When you get dressed for a West End show, you rarely consider the possibility of becoming part of it.

Sure, you want to look vaguely put-together, but if you see as much theatre as I do, your main concern is usually selecting trousers with a waistband that won’t slowly cut off circulation during two hours of sitting elbow-to-elbow with strangers.

You probably reach for those unflattering-but-essential glasses so you can actually see what’s happening on stage. And maybe, if you’re feeling exceptionally organised, you even consider whether you’ll be warm enough by the time you have to walk to the tube after the curtain falls.

What you don’t think about — and what I now beg you to factor in — is how your outfit will look when you suddenly find yourself lying on your back in front of

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