A HIRSUTE man is losing his battle against the endless encroachment of his arse crack hair, it has emerged.

Despite having repeatedly shaved, waxed and plucked the deepest crevices of his behind, Tom Booker has admitted he is powerless to stop the relentless growth of hair in his bumcrack.

He said: “It was slow to begin with. A few thin wisps started sprouting when I was a teen. Nothing to worry about, or so I thought.

“Over time though, my worst fears came true. What were once odd strands thickened into a matted strip of shaggy bristles. Reaching round for a quick scratch felt more like stroking a dog than touching human flesh.

“I’ve tried epilating my anal cleft, and even gave herbal remedies a go out of desperation, but nothing seems to work. Each morning I wake up with an itchy tre

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