SACRAMENTO, CA — It was announced this week that New York City would be cracking down on emissions from coal and wood-burning pizza ovens. Not to be outdone, California Governor Gavin Newsom has taken restrictions even further in the Golden State by requiring all pizzas to only be baked using the sun and a magnifying glass.

"Take that, New York!" Newsom said as he announced the new mandate. "If you think you're at the forefront of making it impossible to bake a decent pizza, wait ‘til you get a load of this. Here in California, pizzas are not allowed to be baked in any ovens of any kind. We are paving the way to the future by harnessing solar power to bake our pizzas. Californians know how to make a pizza without destroying our planet!"

As citizens of New York were outraged to hear about

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