WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an attempt to elevate the level of discourse in Senate Confirmation hearings, all of the female Democratic Senators will be replaced with screaming, rabid hyenas.

After the initial Senate hearings descended into hours of hysterical, unintelligible screeching, Congress felt it owed the country to do better by replacing the offending women with crazed hyenas.

"This will be a huge improvement," said Senate aide Chandler McKinnon. "We believe replacing these Democrat women with hyenas whose brains are being eaten by the rabies virus will greatly lessen the amount of shrieking and fighting going on. The hardest part will honestly be rounding up the women. That Gillibrand lady is a biter."

According to the Cabinet nominees, the hyenas have thus far been a welcome change.

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