Managing Value-Need Conflicts During the Holidays

Key points

Value–need conflicts are common for neurodivergent people during the holidays.

Clarifying personal values can reduce shame and guide more intentional choices.

Identifying access needs helps align meaningful activities with nervous system capacity.

The holiday season is often painted as joyful, but for many neurodivergent people it brings tension. Values like connection, tradition, and family often clash with access needs for rest, sensory boundaries , and predictability. Many people know the experience of longing for connection while the body simultaneously craves quiet.

What we value and what our body needs can sit in conflict. You might value connection but find that large gatherings leave you overstimulated. You may value creating memories with loved ones yet feel over