The FIFA World Cup Draw at the Kennedy Center last week was the sort of surrealist spectacle that can take a few days to truly absorb. (FIFA president Gianni Infantino gave Donald Trump a “FIFA Peace Prize” that he accepted with legitimate joy and appreciation in a way that gets more disturbing the more you think about it.) Every time I think about it, I find myself tapping the right side of my head with my palm like I’m trying to get water out of my ear. But a little lost in all the absurdity was what the event ostensibly exists for in the first place: announcing the groups, matchups, and schedule for the cup itself, which will be hosted by the United States, Canada, and Mexico next year. And while the draw was a nightmare for the U.S. as a country — an estimated 200 million people arou

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