Key points

Meltdowns are skill gaps, not defiance. Treating your child like a "terrorist" worsens power struggles.

The coercive cycle is caused by failing to solve the underlying problem, not by giving in.

Use co-regulation during a meltdown to de-escalate. Save teaching and problem-solving for later.

After calm returns, work together on brainstorming. Drop demands with a plan to teach missing skills.

We’ve all been there. Your child is melting down: refusing to get off screens, start homework, get ready for school, go to bed, or stop a favorite activity. You try to stay calm and hold the line, but within minutes, you’re in a full-blown power struggle. Things escalate fast, and suddenly you hear that voice in your head saying: “Don’t negotiate with terrorists!”

There is a grain of tr

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