BIRD-IN-HAND, PA

Mrs. Beiler, 63, who was shunned three months ago after wearing a knee-length skirt to a church potluck, is among the safest people on the planet these days.

“The shunning was bad at first, but now I’m glad not to be so close to people,” said Mrs. Beiler. “Six feet? Come on, according to the elders no one’s allowed within a six mile radius of me after that potluck skirt fiasco.”

Mennonites, Amish, and other Anabaptists have practiced social distancing known as “shunning” for centuries, and health authorities are finally praising its merits.

“I’ll admit I doubted their methods in the past, but maybe its time to consider the possibility that those old Mennonite elders know what they’re talking about,” said Dr. Stoltzfus. “These days everyone should be shunning their neig

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