LAKE WINNIPEG, MB

A 43-year-old man from over by Reinland somewheres was found beached on the shores of Lake Winnipeg this weekend. Thankfully locals were able to keep him hydrated with Rogers Golden Syrup while rescuers rushed to the scene.

“We were just taking a walk on the beach, when I saw this creature lying there and I thought, ‘hey, that looks an awful lot like Corny Pankratz from Jantsied!” said Mr. Klassen, who, together with his lovely wife Martha, discovered Pankratz yesterday afternoon. “I don’t know how long he was lying there, but we immediately called the trachtmoaka. This man needed help!”

In fact, it look more a dozen amateur Mennonite chiropractors more than five hours to fully revive Mr. Pankratz and send him on his way back to Reinland.

“They were knacking and knips

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