FOR years I’ve ignored the erosion of our civil liberties. CCTV on every building? Fine. Proscribing Palestine Action? Whatever. But now I realise our freedom is in grave danger if it’s becoming a major hassle to rub one out.

With the so-called ‘Online Safety Act’, Generalissimo Starmer has crossed a line. Poorly-acted porn videos are the issue that has awoken my political consciousness, and I have no choice but to join the resistance.

And so I ask you: will you stand with me, comrade? If being an Englishman means anything, it is liberty. And there is no freedom so important as having a five-knuckle shuffle in one’s own home on one’s own broadband. What else was the Second World War about?

Apparently this is all ‘for the children’. But I’m not a child, I’m a 58-year-old plumber with a h

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