TOLEDO, Ohio — A local infant became the voice of the people as he wretched in discomfort and unleashed a harsh, ear-splitting wail reserved only for the skies, a sentiment that was shared across all passengers and crew, sources confirm.

“Listen, the kid was spot on,” shared witness Richard Halverson who was seated in the row behind the howling tot. “He looked right at me and spoke truth to power. I felt it in my bones. You know the day I’ve had? Flight cancelled out of Heathrow. Rerouted through Toronto. Luggage tracker shows it’s in Atlanta. And LA’s not even my destination, I’m trying to get to Dallas tonight! I can’t feel my body from the belt down because no leg room. I’m hungry. I’m tired. I’m sad. It just makes me want to cry, drool, and spit up some bile.”

Mother of the infant of

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