FANCY a go at polyamory? You keep reading about it and you can easily get a third person on the internet these days. Here are the five stages of having a fashionable modern sexual relationship.

Proposing it: This might seem daunting, but everyone’s doing polyamory these days so why not you? You decide to ask your wife for an open relationship no longer bound by the strictures of monogamy and bourgeois convention. And if she wants to explore lesbianism, that would be handy now you can’t go on Pornhub.

Refusal: You suspect the colander hurled across the kitchen means no. Clearly she knows she’d not get any attention whereas you would clean up. She’s just trying to hold you back. It’s the only possible explanation for a woman not relishing her husband shagging other women.

Surrender:

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