In Absolute Highlight Of Week, Man Eats Burger Alone In His Car

TOPEKA, KS — Reports are flying in of an event that sounds too crazy to be true. In an absolute highlight of his week, local man Jobert Philipps ate a burger alone in the peace and quiet of his car.

As if that weren't enough to absolutely fry brains, he also listened to a podcast.

"These last 15 minutes have been nothing short of paradise," said Philipps while wiping ketchup off the driver's seat and searching for the fry that disappeared in the gap between his seat and the console. "Having a wife and five — no six kids doesn't shake a stick at what I'm doing right here, right now, in this moment."

Sources say that multiple observers witnessed the spectacular event, including a hobo, a family who nervously walked past, and the employee tasked with gathering shopping carts in the Walmart