SEATTLE, WA

Starting this week, Amazon will be offering a new option to have your package delivered at least two weeks late.

“Or more,” said CEO Jeff Bezos. “It’s always been our goal to deliver products as late and after the ‘deliver by’ date as possible. All the better if we can get that package to you well after Christmas when you don’t need it anymore.”

The new excessively late delivery option will come free of charge with all Amazon Prime subscriptions.

“Best of all you’ll be able to track your package on our app,” said Bezos. “You can see every time the delivery does not arrive or we have to add a couple extra days. For a nominal five dollar charge, we’ll even lie to you each day saying your package is on the way, then report a ‘unexpected’ delay at the last minute.”

Bezos says

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