ALTONA, MB

The mystery of Bigfoot has finally been solved! After careful analysis of the footage, scientists at Pembina Valley University, have concluded that the big hairy beast seen traipsing through the back-40 last year is “very likely just some Mr. Friesen from Altona.”

“The evidence is overwhelming,” said Dr. Toews. “I mean, all you have to do is turn up the volume and you’ll hear the creature speak in fluent Plautdietsch.”

While scientists don’t yet know precisely which Mr. Friesen from Altona it is, they are certain, by the volume of hair and vacant stare that “it must be a Friesen.”

“Some people are saying he looks a lot like one of the Kornelsens from Jantsied, but his accent is definitely a West Reserve accent!” said Dr. Toews. “Plus, I think he was the backup goalie for the

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