LODI, N.J. — Famous singer and mildly renowned film director Glenn Danzig felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him when he spontaneously decided it was time to once again sue the rest of the band, confirmed sources.

“I’ve known these knuckle-heads for more than half my life, and let me tell you—life was simpler back then when I had my lawyer on speed dial,” a reminiscent Danzig chuckled while refilling his iced tea. “Kids these days just want to hear songs about hellish whorehouses, infant mortality, or alien transmogrification. It’s exhausting, albeit profitable. Misfits aren’t just some spooky band—we’re a family, a family that peddles merchandise, and I deserve a bigger cut, quite frankly. Our legacy would be nothing without our deep-rooted history in litigation, and I’m excited to rekin

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