DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m throwing a surprise 90th birthday party for my father -- a truly wonderful and well-loved man. I want this celebration to feel intimate and meaningful, centered around his closest friends, beloved neighbors and family.

In trying to decide whom to invite, I took a somewhat roundabout approach: I’d casually ask my dad, who is still unaware of the party, if he’d recently spoken with so-and-so. If he hadn’t, I took it as a sign that that person was not central to his life at this time, and I left them off the guest list.

Here’s where things got tricky: Some invited guests asked to bring others, or suggested I invite additional people. A few even informed me they had already told others about the party.

To maintain the more intimate feel of the main event, I told those

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