It may sound cliché, but I have always been drawn to Paris. Just like Carrie Bradshaw, Emily Cooper, and Jo Stockton all are—I knew being there would change me. So when I got an acceptance email from a study abroad program for a spring semester, I knew I was going. What I didn't know was that my entire life was about to change.

The email arrived in my inbox a week before my 22-year-old big sister, Ivy, died by suicide. She was a strikingly beautiful, shockingly brave, effortlessly cool, truly brilliant young woman. Ivy was everything I wanted to be and everything I never authentically could be. Her confidence and intelligence were truly spellbinding; people either loved her or hated her (and one of her greatest superpowers was that she didn’t care which). In the wake of losing her, I coul

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