DAYTONA BEACH, FL - In an attempt to boost viewership, NASCAR officials have just approved the use of Mario Kart-style power-ups in every race.

Cars will be equipped with banana peels, red and green shells, mushrooms, and the dreaded blue shell, spicing up races considerably. The move seems to be working, with early ratings predictions showing at least 10 times the viewership of ordinary NASCAR events.

"Who wants to just watch cars make left turns all day?" said one official. "Now, you can watch as cars blast each other with shells and inkblots, and you can revel in the drama and excitement as the last-place racer shrinks everybody else with a lightning bolt."

In addition to the new power-ups, races will be held on sandy beaches, chocolate volcanoes, and giant rainbows in space, adding

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