GAZA — According to the latest LinkedIn statistics, Hamas has recently been having a bit of trouble attracting fresh new recruits. Their brilliant solution? Bring back casual Fridays.

Sources within the terrorist organization reveal that they've held a few meetings to discuss company growth and that several managers have come up with some other ideas to attract new fighters who must be ready to become martyrs at a moment's notice.

Some of the exciting new initiatives include the following:

Cool digital pagers: Much nicer than those old analogue ones last month.

Free use of the company car bomb: Just make sure and bring it back in one piece.

Updated vending machines: Now with hummus!

No more drug tests: Hamas is an equitable opportunity employer.

Lactation room for working mother

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