Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

Our 11-year-old daughter, “Lola,” wants to make a significant change to her appearance.

She wants a side-shave haircut like the one Natalie Dormer had during some of Game of Thrones and the singer Cassie had for a while. We also have two boys, and we’ve always said that our kids’ clothes and the presentation of their hair and bodies in general are theirs to make decisions about. The boys have had mohawks, buzz cuts, and long flowing locks over the years.

But our daughter is extremely sensitive to the judgment of others. She’s thrown sweaters and jackets into the dumpsters at school after other kids made fun of them (for petty, transient kid reas

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