Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here .

Dear Prudence,

My wife and I have an 18-month-old son, and her younger sister and her husband have a daughter who is 2. A few weeks ago, my wife and her sister decided that it would be a fun project to create a family tree for the kids for when they are older, so we all purchased AncestryDNA kits. The results that came back for my wife showed that the man her mother was married to, whom she thought was her biological father (he passed away last year), was excluded. My wife assumed her mother had had an affair and confronted her. The truth turned out to be even worse.

Her mother revealed to her that she is the product of a rape committed by her ex-husband just prior to when she fled from him. My wife has been despon

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