A recent summit between U.S. President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin took place in Anchorage, Alaska. The meeting aimed to pave the way for a potential tripartite summit with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy to discuss an end to the ongoing war in Ukraine. However, Russia has shown little willingness to negotiate a ceasefire. Moscow insists it will only consider ending hostilities in exchange for a significant portion of Eastern Ukraine, which exceeds the territory currently under its control. In recent weeks, Russia has intensified its military actions, including drone and missile strikes on Ukrainian civilian areas.

In a satirical take on the situation, a list of imagined Russian proposals for peace has been presented. These proposals highlight the absurdity of the negotiations and the challenges faced in reaching a resolution. One proposal suggests that the U.S. lift all sanctions on Russia, revoke its official recognition of Ukraine, and transfer a complete carrier strike group to Russian control. In return, Russia would offer no concessions, hoping the U.S. delegation would overlook this.

Another proposal involves a total suspension of U.S. military aid to Ukraine in exchange for a Russian promise to halt territorial advances on Taiwan. A more far-fetched idea includes a historic ceasefire brokered by Trump, where hostilities would continue but be rebranded as “diplomatic force interactions.”

In a more whimsical suggestion, Russia would withdraw its forces and recognize Ukraine's sovereignty over Crimea, while Ukraine would be required to disband its armed forces and disarm its police. Additionally, all kitchen knives in Ukraine would need to have rounded edges.

Other proposals include a scenario where Ukraine would not lose the war, while Russia would not have to withdraw its troops. Russia would also agree to rename the two separatist regions it recognizes in Eastern Ukraine, changing the Donetsk People’s Republic to the Donetsk Democratic Freedom Republic and the Luhansk People’s Republic to the Luhansk Independent Autonomous Happy Joy Republic.

In a more drastic proposal, Russia would cut its troop numbers by half in exchange for placing the Ukrainian Armed Forces under the control of a council made up of international leaders. Another suggestion involves Ukraine recognizing Russian control over Crimea and the Donbass, while receiving a portion of Moldova or Romania in return.

Lastly, a satirical proposal suggests complete Russian withdrawal and restoration of Ukrainian territorial integrity, with reparations taking the form of a large, hollow horse monument to be installed in central Kyiv. Despite these imaginative proposals, there remains no agreement from the U.S., although Russia has suggested a follow-up summit in six months or after 250,000 additional Russian casualties, whichever occurs first.