VICTORIA, BC

After having his name selected in the traditional Mennonite manner – by drawing lots – a man from Kitchener, Ontario by the name of David Eby is now Premier of British Columbia.

“Well, I’m not sure how this happened but Mr. Johan Martin informed me my name was selected, I’d have to pack up my wife and 23 children and head to the West Coast,” said Eby, who previously worked as a farrier in southern Ontario. “It was quite the journey. Took nearly six months, but that’s only because we had some difficulty convincing the folks at the ferry terminal to let us on with our team of horses.”

Now that he’s in charge, Eby plans to revolutionize the way things are done in beautiful British Columbia.

“It’s going to be a lot less avocado toast and a lot more donuts and German beer sausa

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