ORLANDO, FL - Sources at CPAC are confirming that former president Donald Trump just rode into the conference triumphantly on the back of a donkey, claiming kingship over the conservative movement for all eternity.

Trump waited outside the conference for his big entrance and then instructed Rudy Giuliani to go into the hotel lobby and find a donkey. "Tell his owner the Lord has need of him," he instructed the lawyer. Giuliani had trouble tracking down the donkey, as the place was full of jackasses, but eventually, he found the donkey as Trump instructed.

He brought out the donkey and asked Trump if he could sit at his right hand when he's reelected in 2024. "That position is not for me to give," Trump said gently. Finally, he rode into the hotel in his triumphal entry.

"Hosanna! Blessed

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